Not too long ago, I made a decision to end my life. It was several months in the making, as it were. I wrote a note to my best friend, gave him a ring that I wanted him to have as a memory, went home, and took a month’s worth of psych meds. It wasn’t [...]
Posts Tagged ‘depression’
Odd Reactions
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, bipolar disorder, depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, mania, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, suicide, Therapy on 9 June 2011 | 2 Comments »
Not Surprised
Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, General Ranting, Mental Health, tagged atypical antipsychotics, bipolar disorder, depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Lamictal, rant, Zyprexa on 9 May 2011 | 3 Comments »
I missed most of my shift yesterday. I was so tired and overwhelmed that work seemed relatively impossible. Today, my brain is still too overwhelmed to make sense of essays and articles. I just want to sleep for hours and hours. When I do sleep, though, it isn’t restful and I wake up as exhausted [...]
Breaking Points
Posted in Friends & Family, General Ranting, Mental Health, tagged Abuse, depression, family, Mental Health, stress on 20 February 2011 | 1 Comment »
All those years ago when I was supporting my mother and sister, I knew that if I broke everything broke. That might sound dramatic, but it was true. At one point, soon after my father left, the rent and all the trappings of supporting a family fell on me. Anyone would have done that– in [...]
Spiralling
Posted in General Ranting, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged depression, frustration, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, suicide on 31 January 2011 | 8 Comments »
Just last week, my therapist and I were talking about how things are difficult but I’ve not gone in to a tail spin. In response, apparently, I’ve started feeling suicidal. This happens when it seems like everything that can go wrong does. In this case, it’s that one small thing after another has gone wrong [...]
Pining for the Single Life
Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, General Ranting, Mental Health, Uncategorized, tagged alters, bipolar disorder, depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Lamictal, mania, Mental Health, rant, Seroquel, stress, teen alters on 10 November 2010 | Leave a Comment »
And by that, I mean life before I knew about the others in my head. It was simpler then. [Sad movie theme interrupted by sarcastic chuckle.] Things are a bit interesting here at the moment. Not bad interesting. Just different and a bit overwhelming. Although there have been more than a few upsets in my [...]
Madness
Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Health, Mental Health, tagged Abilify, bipolar disorder, depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Geodon, Lamictal, mania, Mental Health, mixed episodes, psychiatrist, rant, school, Seroquel on 31 October 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Let’s take DID out of the picture for a minute. Now, let’s take out SRA. (I know, I know). At this time, bipolar disorder is what’s getting at me. I have never *felt* bipolar, really, until this semester. Now, it’s making itself the centre of my life. It is disrupting my sleep, wrecking my concentration, [...]
Survivors
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, best friend, depression, flashbacks, grounding, memories, Mental Health, Therapy on 19 September 2010 | 2 Comments »
That’s what they call those of us who’ve lived through childhood trauma. I do not feel like a survivor today. I feel like somebody un-surviving. For the past few weeks, it’s been like I’m living in a flashback. Bad memories keep popping up, and I can’t seem to push them back anymore. These aren’t new [...]
Change of Heart?
Posted in Abuse, Friends & Family, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged best friend, depression, expressing feelings, family of choice, grounding, holidays, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse on 5 February 2010 | 4 Comments »
I’ve always hated December. As any SRA survivor will tell you, December brings some ‘interesting’ issues. Why, then, am I wishing December of last year had never ended? I dearly missed going to see my family-of-choice, and I’m working toward getting up to see them soon. Still, Christmas comforted me somehow, and lighting the menorah [...]
Taking the Time
Posted in Abuse, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, tagged best friend, childhood trauma, depression, grief, Mental Health, trauma survivors, trust on 16 November 2009 | Leave a Comment »
I fell right out of the world last week and am slowly making my way back. I’ve been dealing with things that are only remotely related to SRA, and sometimes the ‘regular’ stuff gets worse than the abuse stuff. I’m not good at stepping back and letting others (external) do the work for a while, [...]
Repeat Performances
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, anger, best friend, depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotions, expressing feelings, memories, satanic ritual abuse, Therapy on 17 July 2009 | 4 Comments »
My last therapy assignment was to practise feeling emotions, and for once, I took the assignment seriously. My first effort led to SI. I take full responsibility for that, but I recognise the catalyst as well. This time, things went better and I actually learnt something that might be useful. If my therapist will actually [...]
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