The last time I was hurt by the Really Bad People, one thing that distracted me was the thought that my best friend is coming with me next summer to see my FOC. He hasn’t been there in three years, so I had to make it through. That was a relatively constant chorus in my [...]
Posts Tagged ‘dissociation’
Distractions
Posted in Abuse, Friends & Family, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, best friend, cults, dissociation, family of choice, memories, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse on 2 October 2011 | Leave a Comment »
Dream States
Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, tagged dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, self awareness, time on 4 November 2009 | 1 Comment »
My father said he never dreamed. I don’t know if he simply didn’t remember his dreams, or if he never truly reached the sleep state needed to have dreams. Interesting concept, regardless. I haven’t heard that from anyone else. As for me, my dreams are typically very vivid. They can range from blissful to average [...]
My Declaration
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Ritual Abuse, tagged alters, anger, Awen, dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotions, Rainn, rape, satanic ritual abuse, sexual assault on 3 June 2009 | 3 Comments »
I was raped. There, I said it. Or rather wrote it. It didn’t happen to Awen or Rainn or anyone else in my mind who took part of it. It happened to me. *I* was raped. Me. Not an alter or any other fragment of my mind. It happened to me. And I am furious. [...]
Working in a Different Age
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged alters, Awen and Patrick, child alters, cults, DID systems, dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, flashbacks, Lily, Mairead, satanic ritual abuse, sra programming, teen alters on 26 March 2009 | Leave a Comment »
I’m in my late twenties, but most of the time I still feel stuck in my teenage years. My twenties have definitely been tumultuous. Maybe that’s what I’m feeling. Maybe it’s like my twenties are on pause. I’d really hate to stay a decade behind from here on out, though. During the last therapy session, [...]
The Triggered Week So Far
Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Ritual Abuse, The Week So Far, tagged dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, satanic ritual abuse, triggers on 3 December 2008 | Leave a Comment »
I’ve been attempting to keep my head in its little sand hole for the most part, as the news is extremely triggering for me right now. What really unnerves me is that I keep running straight in to triggers in completely unexpected places. From astrological signs to WMD reports, the news reads like one of [...]
Swept in to My Memory
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Ritual Abuse, tagged alters, cults, depersonalisation, dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, flashbacks, memories, satanic ritual abuse, time on 8 October 2008 | 4 Comments »
I have been completely neglecting this blog for I don’t how long. Literally. Time has been optional lately, and even as I type this, I’m not at all sure what’s been going on in my life. The major DID-related development has been this bizarre way of looking at memories. I’m interacting with the person in [...]
Empty
Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Ritual Abuse, tagged depersonalisation, depression, dissociation, Therapy on 23 September 2008 | 2 Comments »
Something’s wrong. That’s the refrain that keeps running through my mind. I’ve at least got a small clue of which internal person is broadcasting this message, but if I’ve learned anything about my systems in the past two years, it’s that things frequently take me by surprise. I’m not moving forward, even though I truly [...]
The Long and Winding Post
Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, tagged dissociation on 22 September 2008 | Leave a Comment »
So my blog has been a bit quiet lately. It’s not that there’s absolutely nothing going on in my life. On the other hand, it’s not as if every minute is filled with activity. It’s just that my brain is a bit mush. I’m not sure when The Great Brain Mush settled in, but it’s [...]
*Really* Interior Decorating
Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Ritual Abuse, tagged alters, DID systems, dissociation, satanic ritual abuse, sra systems on 31 August 2008 | 1 Comment »
My internal world is incredibly detailed, and the more I learn about its structure, the more curious I become about the structures of other people’s systems. For me, The SRA stuff led to the creation of more than one system, which isn’t particularly uncommon in people with that background. I’m quite familiar with the main [...]
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