Therapy has become very difficult. We’re starting to work through memories of sexual abuse and assault, which is causing so many reactions in my mind. This came about as the therapist and I searched for the root of my eating disorder. She kept saying there had to be a trauma root, and I was completely [...]
Posts Tagged ‘emotions’
Penance
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, cults, emotions, flashbacks, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, self awareness, Therapy on 21 May 2012 | Leave a Comment »
This Is New
Posted in General Ranting, Mental Health, tagged anger, emotions, grief, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, stress on 30 November 2011 | Leave a Comment »
I am *angry.* Not the positive, motivating anger. The boiling over, feel like screaming anger. And I don’t particularly know why. It’s not an emotion I’m accustomed to. The obvious guess, of course, is that grief is making me angry. Time of year, as far as SRA goes, also stirs up some powerful Stuff. I [...]
Remember
Posted in Grief & Loss, Mental Health, tagged emotions, grief, Mental Health, poetry, sisters on 21 August 2011 | Leave a Comment »
Grief seems to be taking the forefront now that the flashbacks have calmed down. This is how things work out with me- when I have a great upset, crisis mode lifts quickly. Then, things take their turn until the lot of my past has had its say. I read the poem ‘Remember‘ by Christina Rossetti [...]
Ghosts
Posted in Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, tagged child loss, emotions, family of choice, grief, hospitals, Mental Health, parental bereavement, stillbirth on 2 August 2011 | 2 Comments »
Last week I had the absolute privilege and honour to stay with my family of choice who live at a distance from me. I only see them once a year, and I cherish every minute of our time together. Even though parts of the week were a bit mad, it ended with the peace, fun, [...]
Six Months
Posted in Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, tagged child loss, emotions, flashbacks, grief, Mental Health, parental bereavement, stillbirth on 26 June 2011 | 2 Comments »
In a few hours we’ll reach the six-month mark of when my beautiful daughter was stillborn. In part, I feel like it’s an accomplishment- I’ve lived with this pain for six months. The prevailing feeling is one of fear, though. I feel like she’s getting further and further away as time passes. I always want [...]
Mother’s Day
Posted in Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, tagged child loss, emotions, grief, Mental Health, parental bereavement on 8 May 2011 | 1 Comment »
I lost my mother seven years ago, but I’ve never experienced the pain of Mother’s Day after having lost my daughter until this year. It is so overwhelming that I’ve literally found it hard to breathe. Wishing a happy Mother’s Day to those of you celebrating that bond and a peaceful Mother’s Day to everyone [...]
Still Here
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, cults, cutting, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotions, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, self injury, suicide, Therapy on 9 February 2011 | 1 Comment »
And still unsure of whether I’d like to be. I’m not feeling suicidal anymore. I’m just not quite ready to keep going with things. In an effort to stop myself from going through with the suicide act, I turned to an old coping skill that I haven’t used in years– self injury. As a teenager, [...]
Falling Down
Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, tagged best friend, child loss, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotions, grief, Mental Health, parental bereavement on 16 January 2011 | 1 Comment »
I really feel like I am drowning. I’m trying not to feel that way, but I’m not overcoming that feeling just yet. It seems overly dramatic, but my mind is stuck in That Day at That Time. I can’t get away from it, and part of me doesn’t want to. Part of me wants to [...]
Therapy aka That Wasted Hour
Posted in General Ranting, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, Therapy, tagged emotions, grief, self awareness, Therapy on 19 June 2010 | Leave a Comment »
I am *so* frustrated at the moment. Why can I not just go into a therapy session and bloody well tell the therapist what’s actually happening in my slightly fragmented brain? At the session before today’s, the therapist and I discussed my sister’s death, something we definitely need to address before I can go further [...]
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