Therapy has become very difficult. We’re starting to work through memories of sexual abuse and assault, which is causing so many reactions in my mind. This came about as the therapist and I searched for the root of my eating disorder. She kept saying there had to be a trauma root, and I was completely [...]
Posts Tagged ‘flashbacks’
Penance
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, cults, emotions, flashbacks, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, self awareness, Therapy on 21 May 2012 | Leave a Comment »
Robbery
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, cults, flashbacks, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse on 24 September 2011 | Leave a Comment »
I had a nightmare last night about a time I hadn’t thought of in quite a while. Since this blog is, if nothing, written to help survivors, I’ll do my best to write candidly. There’s nothing quite like the first time someone enters your body without your permission. I’m speaking of the physical body here. [...]
Surprises
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, General Ranting, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, cults, Dissociative Identity Disorder, expressing feelings, flashbacks, memories, Mental Health, rant, satanic ritual abuse on 24 August 2011 | Leave a Comment »
Grief and anger are the two prevailing states of my mind these days, so pardon the endless ranting posts. This one focuses on abuse, with some specifics thrown in. Please be safe while reading. My standard trigger warning applies. * * I hate it when surprise triggers pop up. This morning, I was doing the [...]
Flashbacks
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, flashbacks, memories, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, Therapy on 19 August 2011 | 4 Comments »
Still having frequent flashbacks. I think, in part, that this is because I’m feeling like there’s no one to talk with regarding the trauma. By that, I mean there’s no one who I feel can listen to the details. My former therapist had heard a great deal of the ‘regular’ abuse stuff, and quite a [...]
PTSD
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, flashbacks, grounding, memories, Mental Health, PTSD, satanic ritual abuse, self awareness on 18 August 2011 | Leave a Comment »
Since things have calmed down regarding the recent therapy debacle, I apparently decided to entertain myself by letting PTSD symptoms run rampant. Today has been a running flashback. I think I’ve spent more time in the past than the present. The psychological symptoms are obvious, but the physical symptoms get in the way, too. I [...]
Torchwood Triggers
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, cults, Dissociative Identity Disorder, flashbacks, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, sra programming, Torchwood on 6 August 2011 | 3 Comments »
This post could be *very* triggering to folks with an SRA background. Please be careful. * * * * * * * * I *love* Torchwood. The first two series, that is. I haven’t seen the third series, a 5-episode miniseries called ‘Children of the Earth.’ Series Four is ‘Miracle Day.’ The show has been [...]
Six Months
Posted in Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, tagged child loss, emotions, flashbacks, grief, Mental Health, parental bereavement, stillbirth on 26 June 2011 | 2 Comments »
In a few hours we’ll reach the six-month mark of when my beautiful daughter was stillborn. In part, I feel like it’s an accomplishment- I’ve lived with this pain for six months. The prevailing feeling is one of fear, though. I feel like she’s getting further and further away as time passes. I always want [...]
Flashbacks & Realisations
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, alters, best friend, child alters, cults, Dissociative Identity Disorder, family of choice, flashbacks, Lily, satanic ritual abuse, Therapy, Torchwood on 3 April 2011 | 2 Comments »
My best friend and I were watching Torchwood on Friday night, as we’ve taken to doing relatively frequently, and I got thrown in to a flashback. The show is primarily science fiction. This episode, however, involved nothing more than incredibly sick human beings. I felt myself tensing a bit, but nothing really pressing alarmed me. [...]
Survivors
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, best friend, depression, flashbacks, grounding, memories, Mental Health, Therapy on 19 September 2010 | 2 Comments »
That’s what they call those of us who’ve lived through childhood trauma. I do not feel like a survivor today. I feel like somebody un-surviving. For the past few weeks, it’s been like I’m living in a flashback. Bad memories keep popping up, and I can’t seem to push them back anymore. These aren’t new [...]
The Disappearing Blogger…
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, General Ranting, Ritual Abuse, tagged best friend, Dissociative Identity Disorder, flashbacks, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, school, sra programming on 4 July 2010 | Leave a Comment »
It occurred to me today that I should update this blog. And the other blog, for that matter. My disappearance from the blogosphere can be explained in one word: school. Summer courses are incredibly difficult. I’m currently taking a course that condenses 16 weeks of material into 6 weeks. Absolute madness. I’m taking a shorter [...]
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