I’ve been thinking quite alot about my mother lately. We’ve just passed her birthday, and, for some reason, I’ve missed her more this year. It might well be because of losing the baby. I would love for my parents to have met their granddaughter, and with her death, I just wanted my mother there to [...]
Posts Tagged ‘memories’
Memories
Posted in Abuse, Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, Therapy, tagged Abuse, best friend, family of choice, grief, memories, Mental Health, Therapy on 4 March 2012 | 3 Comments »
Distractions
Posted in Abuse, Friends & Family, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, best friend, cults, dissociation, family of choice, memories, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse on 2 October 2011 | Leave a Comment »
The last time I was hurt by the Really Bad People, one thing that distracted me was the thought that my best friend is coming with me next summer to see my FOC. He hasn’t been there in three years, so I had to make it through. That was a relatively constant chorus in my [...]
Surprises
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, General Ranting, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, cults, Dissociative Identity Disorder, expressing feelings, flashbacks, memories, Mental Health, rant, satanic ritual abuse on 24 August 2011 | Leave a Comment »
Grief and anger are the two prevailing states of my mind these days, so pardon the endless ranting posts. This one focuses on abuse, with some specifics thrown in. Please be safe while reading. My standard trigger warning applies. * * I hate it when surprise triggers pop up. This morning, I was doing the [...]
Flashbacks
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, flashbacks, memories, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, Therapy on 19 August 2011 | 4 Comments »
Still having frequent flashbacks. I think, in part, that this is because I’m feeling like there’s no one to talk with regarding the trauma. By that, I mean there’s no one who I feel can listen to the details. My former therapist had heard a great deal of the ‘regular’ abuse stuff, and quite a [...]
PTSD
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, flashbacks, grounding, memories, Mental Health, PTSD, satanic ritual abuse, self awareness on 18 August 2011 | Leave a Comment »
Since things have calmed down regarding the recent therapy debacle, I apparently decided to entertain myself by letting PTSD symptoms run rampant. Today has been a running flashback. I think I’ve spent more time in the past than the present. The psychological symptoms are obvious, but the physical symptoms get in the way, too. I [...]
Allies
Posted in Abuse, Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, cults, grief, loss of brother, memories, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse on 23 April 2011 | 3 Comments »
Driving back from my best friend’s house this morning, I had an Elton John CD playing. The song ‘Daniel’ came on, and it made me a bit sad. I don’t write about my brother often, but he really was a great person and I do miss him. He was my ally whilst we were still [...]
The Jim Croce Sessions
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, cults, Dissociative Identity Disorder, expressing feelings, memories, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, Therapy on 26 September 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Wednesday was my first memory work session with my therapist, and it went much better than I expected. No one freaked out during the session or even after. The therapist didn’t flinch when I mentioned generational satanism, and she listened to my description of an animal sacrifice without showing any outward signs of horror, other [...]
Survivors
Posted in Abuse, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, best friend, depression, flashbacks, grounding, memories, Mental Health, Therapy on 19 September 2010 | 2 Comments »
That’s what they call those of us who’ve lived through childhood trauma. I do not feel like a survivor today. I feel like somebody un-surviving. For the past few weeks, it’s been like I’m living in a flashback. Bad memories keep popping up, and I can’t seem to push them back anymore. These aren’t new [...]
Semi-human Alters
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, tagged Abuse, alters, DID systems, Dissociative Identity Disorder, flashbacks, memories on 7 January 2010 | 2 Comments »
I rang in the new year with an ‘interesting’ flashback. It’s unusual for me to talk about the abuse my sister and I faced from our mother. She was abusive in a more conventional sense, for lack of better terms. Something sparked a memory, though, and I started talking to my best friend about being [...]
My Most Recent Past
Posted in Mental Health, Spirituality, tagged flashbacks, memories, Mental Health, reincarnation, self awareness, Spirit Guides, Spirituality, Universe on 23 November 2009 | Leave a Comment »
I remember my last death. Quite an opening sentence, isn’t it? Seriously, though, I am a firm believer in reincarnation and have been doing a bit of studying to figure out these pesky little memories I’ve been having. The memories are very vivid, and they come from a time several decades before I was born [...]
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