I think one of the saddest things one can see is the transformation in the eyes of a child who goes through tragedy. This change was quite clear in my sister’s eyes, and I’ll never forget that. My sister was an accident, to say the least. The cult wanted my parents to have only two [...]
Posts Tagged ‘suicide’
Transformations
Posted in Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, cults, family of choice, grief, Mental Health, Monkees, Shades of Gray, sisters, song lyrics, sra programming, suicide on 7 September 2011 | Leave a Comment »
Odd Reactions
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged Abuse, bipolar disorder, depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, mania, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, suicide, Therapy on 9 June 2011 | 2 Comments »
Not too long ago, I made a decision to end my life. It was several months in the making, as it were. I wrote a note to my best friend, gave him a ring that I wanted him to have as a memory, went home, and took a month’s worth of psych meds. It wasn’t [...]
Dominoes
Posted in Grief & Loss, Mental Health, Writings, tagged grief, Mental Health, original writing, poetry, suicide on 28 February 2011 | 1 Comment »
One by one they fell like dominoes, She by her own hand. The fundamental loss. Twelve years old and she’d had enough. Her body limp and bleeding, Cold flesh I’ll always remember. ~ He fell next. Car screaming through the wind. Useless brakes as he watched. I wonder sometimes if he was afraid. I wonder [...]
Meh
Posted in General Ranting, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, frustration, Mental Health, rant, satanic ritual abuse, suicide, Therapy on 27 February 2011 | 3 Comments »
Perfect one-syllable response sometimes. I have been so exhausted lately, physically and mentally. In spite of the need for money, I took off from work today. That almost never happens. I’m just too tired to think clearly tonight. My therapist, who I’ve been seeing for two years, just realised that I come to therapy to [...]
Still Here
Posted in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, Therapy, tagged Abuse, cults, cutting, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotions, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, self injury, suicide, Therapy on 9 February 2011 | 1 Comment »
And still unsure of whether I’d like to be. I’m not feeling suicidal anymore. I’m just not quite ready to keep going with things. In an effort to stop myself from going through with the suicide act, I turned to an old coping skill that I haven’t used in years– self injury. As a teenager, [...]
Spiralling
Posted in General Ranting, Mental Health, Ritual Abuse, tagged depression, frustration, Mental Health, satanic ritual abuse, suicide on 31 January 2011 | 8 Comments »
Just last week, my therapist and I were talking about how things are difficult but I’ve not gone in to a tail spin. In response, apparently, I’ve started feeling suicidal. This happens when it seems like everything that can go wrong does. In this case, it’s that one small thing after another has gone wrong [...]
A Toast
Posted in Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, tagged best friend, family of choice, grief, siblings, suicide on 7 December 2010 | Leave a Comment »
to my younger sister, who would have been 22 on Saturday and passed away from suicide 10 years ago today. Words cannot do this child justice. She was one of the most interesting people I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet, and we miss her dearly. Many thanks to my friend D who was the [...]
Dazed
Posted in Friends & Family, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, Therapy, tagged emotions, grief, Mental Health, sisters, suicide, suicide survivors, Therapy on 27 May 2010 | 2 Comments »
Yesterday I spoke with my therapist about my sister’s suicide for the first time. I left the session absolutely exhausted. Today, I’m in a daze. I feel like I’m existing outside of time. I feel very afraid. My life is stuck in the day my sister died, and I recently figured out that I won’t [...]
The Initial Loss
Posted in Grief & Loss, Ritual Abuse, tagged cults, evanescence, grief, memories, satanic ritual abuse, siblings, song lyrics, sra programming, suicide on 15 September 2009 | 2 Comments »
This post is about suicide linked to SRA and is a bit graphic. If you are a survivor of SRA, please take care in reading this and stop if you feel triggered. My younger sister took her life on 7 December 2000, three days after her 12th birthday. That day is etched in my memory. [...]
In the End
Posted in Mental Health, tagged American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, emotions, Mental Health, self awareness, suicide, suicide prevention on 4 June 2009 | 3 Comments »
I’ve always had this sort of fatalistic resignation to the fact that I will eventually die from suicide. I’m not at all suicidal at the moment. The subject of suicide just flitted through my mind a minute ago and reminded me of this. Maybe it’s because my mother and sister died from suicide, but something [...]
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