Perhaps I’m coming down from the high of the concert this weekend. Perhaps it’s just a mood swing. But, I’m actually depressed. Apparently, I have been for a while. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am a morning person. Lately, though, I’ve been waking up later and later, and it occurred to me this morning that the problem was waking up earlier adds hours to the day. When you’re just trying to get through the days, adding hours doesn’t have the greatest appeal. The funny thing is I’ve just put all of this together. Fun.
Not being satisfied with feeling only slightly depressed, I dug a bit deeper and realised I’m feeling guilty. Everybody tells me guilt implies fault, and maybe there is fault here. My life, at this moment, is a bit stagnant. I’m living on my student loan at the moment and have been now for a while. A student loan, though, is definitely not a job. I have *always* worked, so my first bit of guilt comes from not working at the moment.
And then there’s school. For whatever reason, I seem to be doing everything I can to completely overwhelm myself. Could be that sabotaging thing I do so well, helped along by the fact that I can’t seem to find five minutes’ time in a place conducive to studying. Excuses aside, I need to start working quite seriously on the major projects I’m juggling at the moment. Mind you, I have great *plans* that are nice and organised. It’s just a matter of putting them into practice. Seems all I’ve wanted to do lately is write and play music. Very lucrative, of course, considering the legions of execs out there offering me recording contracts (sarcasm, in case it isn’t obvious).
It’s absolutely my responsibility to get off my bum and start the work I need to do to get my life back on the track I want to follow, and I need to find a way to keep the overwhelm from stopping me before I even get started. Overwhelm bad. Being productive good. Maybe I should keep things that simple in my mind.