It really has been a better week. Probably the best in a while, actually. I say tentatively only because it’s still a bit of a battle to keep my mind focused on the present and out of the not-so-pleasant past. Once again, this is another way singletons and multiples are alike– staying focused gives everyone difficulties now and then. I just have to find, sometimes, the *name* of the part of my mind that is disturbing the focus. And of course sometimes it’s just a matter of fighting off those nagging little thoughts one by one as they pop up. No, it isn’t fair to me or any other trauma survivor that we have to work this hard because of what was done to us. It is, however, life. That said, I should take the ‘tentatively better’ phrase out of the title and just say ‘better.’ I can make the week as best as possible.
The past few weeks have taught me so much about the importance of grounding and of acknowledging feelings. One goes hand and hand with the other. On Monday I got absolutely caught up in a recent struggle. It wasn’t at all about abuse, just something rather unpleasant in my life. It took over everything, though, and I started having trouble functioning. This is new to me– I’ve always been able to chin up and get through things with barely a pause. As it turns out, that’s not exactly the best way to get through things, nor is it actually getting through. It’s just a keen form of delay that you don’t even realise you’re doing in the moment. Or at least I didn’t. I knew I was stuffing things, but I thought they had actually gone away when I no longer felt them. [Insert Universal laughter here.] Wasn’t my false sense of security adorable?
Anyway, while I was spinning about there in the middle of my personal tornado, a line from another Del Amitri song called ‘Always the Last to Know’ flashed through my mind– ‘Creation’s gone crazy. The TV’s gone mad. Now you’re the only sane thing that I have.’ It made me think about the people in my life who represent stability to me. It centred me, once again, in my part of the Universal Mind and reminded me that, although my biological family has been involved in the Really Bad Stuff for many, *many* generations, the spiritual aspect of who I am is still free and will always remain so. I closed my eyes and saw an image of myself holding on to the trunk of a really strong tree, surrounded by swirling winds that were having absolutely no affect on me. This image gave way to visual memories of some of the happiest times in my life.
That feeling was amazing, and it has lasted through today. Mind you, I’m still stressed about certain deadlines and general aggravations. I’m just working from a better place now, and that makes even yesterday’s flashbacks easier to deal with. I’ve reworked things to make my deadlines actually possible and have made quite alot of progress towards those goals just in the past couple of days. Sometimes, more frequently than I ever thought, things just work out if I give up some of the control and let life happen. For those of you reading this, I hope you can find some of the peace and stability this week has brought to me.
And now for something funny to end this rather heavy post on a lighter note. Check out this story about a parrot who used an ingenious method to find his way home. How’s *that* for proper pet tags? 🙂 Now if I could only train my cat to talk…