This week I’ve watched the sun rise every day. It’s a very peaceful thing. My house-mates tend not to be awake early, so it’s a bit of time I can spend without being bothered. It’s my time for meditation, journalling, or whatever I feel like doing just then. It’s a way to begin the day from a more grounded position. I’ve found that, if you’re working from a base of peace, everything seems better.
And that brings me to my next point– it’s interesting to distinguish victim from survivor. I think I’ve moved from one role to another without even noticing the change. To me, victim indicates someone who feels powerless and can therefore be abused more and more. It’s so hard to break away from an abusive situation if you feel powerless. I remember that pattern and still fall into it on rare occasions. Overall, though, I do *not* feel like a victim. The statement that people can only hurt you if you let them used to make me feel like I was being told that what happened was entirely my fault. Now I understand that it’s about empowering yourself. I’ve only recently grounded myself in the knowledge that my life is mine and, although I can’t always prevent my own perps from affecting my life badly, I *can* evaluate my response to things. It’s a fine balance.