Meeting the New Therapist

Tomorrow is my/our first appointment with the new therapist, and I’m actually a bit nervous.  I’m certain I’ll be the one presenting.  It’s who might or might not be riding just below the surface that worries me.

Since this is the first meeting, we won’t likely get in to deep subjects.  Still, it will be a chance for both me and the therapist to assess the other.  Growing up, I had to develop an uncanny ability to spot and interpret nonverbal cues.  That can be a very helpful skill, and it does make me feel safer.  However, in a therapeutic environment, it can also be quite the hindrance.  It takes me a bit of time to stop monitoring a therapist’s body language, breathing patterns, and eye movements long enough to actually begin the work of therapy.  That lasted over a year with the therapist who just left, and I know she could have helped me quite alot more if I could have loosened up earlier.  It’s funny how survival mechanisms that were absolutely necessary in childhood can become so maladaptive once the immediate situation is over.

L is the most likely person to be stashed just below the surface tomorrow, and he will only magnify the sceptical side of me.  He’s also a formidable protector/gatekeeper, so he can catch any signs I might miss that could point to the therapist’s being less than trustworthy.  For an SRA survivor, that’s always a real concern.  Kathy can present a sense of calm when everything inside is chaotic, making reading *my* body language a bit more difficult.  My guess is it will be one of those two under the surface, or maybe the three of us together who meet the new therapist tomorrow.

In any event, wish us luck!  I’ve had a bad feeling about this therapist from the minute the last therapist said her name.  Probably just a knee-jerk response to losing a therapist I *had* started to trust, but it’s still not a comfortable way to start things off.

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4 thoughts on “Meeting the New Therapist

    • Thanks! I’m cautiously optimistic. 🙂
      I’ll write a post about the session soon. I really appreciate your good wishes!

  1. It’s so true that the skills which helped us survive tremendous abuse can really distort things for us now. But you are aware of your misgivings, and you know that you have the ability to pick up on non-verbal cues, so it sounds as if you’re going into this well prepared.

    I wish you the best of luck as you enter into your journey with a new therapist.

    • Hi Beauty– sorry it took me so long to respond to your comment! I don’t know if you read about this on my blog, but we had an ice storm that prevented me writing for quite some time. My therapist is *really* good about picking up non-verbal clues herself, which can be a bit disconcerting but is exactly what I need, I’m sure. I like your phrasing– therapy really is a journey.

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