In this post, I talked about working with therapists who don’t believe in DID. I’ve had a decent amount of success with that. It’s been my fear all along, though, that SRA programming would rear its ugly head and become a very serious problem. Now it has.
My therapist and I started examining my thought patterns in detail, and she mentioned that I wore my emotions on my sleeve. This is new, and in my opinion, not accurate. I’ve been told many times that it’s hard to pry a single syllable out of me if I’m not in a talking mood. My silence is my protection. Her doubting that brought up the guard even more than usual. I get the feeling that delving in deeper to the way my mind (and therefore my system) works will be dangerous for both me and the therapist. Because I have some incredibly deep, high-level programming in there, it’s better left alone until a therapist trained in SRA can poke about with it.
Now there’s the question of building our own layer to prevent breaking through in therapy. Defeats the purpose of CBT, I know, but this is important. We do not need a cult-loyal protector popping out to say hello in therapy. Because my finances are dismal at the moment, I can’t afford to see anyone outside of the standardised clinic where I’m going at the moment. I know with absolute certainty that there are members of the cult I belonged to working within that clinic. I know as well that they read my file– they’ve commented on it a time or two. This time, however, the ramifications of getting closer to the cult layers created rather horrific ramifications, both external and internal. So much for working out some of the more difficult Stuff.
A word of advice to therapists and clients– SRA programming is tricky, and delving in to it without the proper training is really quite dangerous. CBT might be exactly the catalyst that starts things down that path. With an SRA therapist this is a great first step. An SRA therapist will recognise the different layers of programming that unfold. Someone not trained for that will endanger him- or herself as well as the client. In the worst possible cases, it could even lead to death. *Please* be careful when opening up SRA programming. If you’re a client working with a therapist who doesn’t believe in SRA, please watch yourself for signs that you’re getting closer to layers than you should and do what you need to do to keep everyone safe. Good luck.