Panic

Today is the last day of June.  The end of the first half of the year.  And I am panicked.  Very.  I feel like time is going too fast and we’re headed too quickly towards a fiery end.  I believe in reincarnation, have had some experiences that can only be described as past life memories, and know someone I trust and consider family who can help people through past-life regressions.  But I’m panicked about a silly little calendar page.

I also believe in Wicca and the beauty of the year’s cycle.  This year, I wasn’t even dreading the winter solstice with the absolute passion I typically feel.  Now, though, I’m caught up in that fear again.  I feel like my life is being lived all around me, but not within me.  Actually, because I’m a bit stagnant at the moment, I feel like I’m not living a life at all.  It’s possible to be stuck between lives, I know, but until very recently I didn’t have that feeling.  I need to be involved in something outside of my current surroundings.

And now I’m panicked.  Everything feels scary and spinning, and I’ve been caught in flashbacks for two days.  If anything, I hope this calendar change brings peace.

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2 thoughts on “Panic

  1. I was in a similar state today and for the past few days. I figured out that I was just trying to maintain executive control and this was a huge toll on me. In therapy today, my therapist did some relaxation techniques with me and, voila, everything changed. Paul.

    • Glad you’re feeling better, Paul! It occurred to me at some point last night that relaxation exercises might be a good idea, so sometime in the wee hours of the morning I went into meditation. It’s better. Not perfect, of course, but precariously better. Hope you’re able to remain at peace. Take care.

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