For the past week or so, I’ve actually felt good for a change. I felt at least semi-deserving of an actually existence. Enter bipolar disorder, or multiplicity, or just pain-in-the-arse depression. Today I’m feeling completely worthless and incredibly annoyed. It’s a type of self-pity, really, that isn’t typical of me. I guess I’m just feeling a bit futile these days. Whatever it is, it isn’t pleasant.
Now it’s time to do that dance we all know and love– round table reconnect. I need to call together some of the key internal folks and try to suss out what’s causing this little dilemma. It doesn’t feel system-wide, so there’s a good sign. *I* just feel depleted. We all need to feel like our lives have meaning, and it sucks, to use a technical term, when you feel useless. Fortunately, it’s rare that I feel this way. A dear friend of mine uses the analogy of a well for resources and coping mechanisms. Sometimes you have to fill the well. Somewhere amongst me and mine, then, we have to find the energy to fill that bloody well again, as my resources seem to be completely gone.