I fell right out of the world last week and am slowly making my way back. I’ve been dealing with things that are only remotely related to SRA, and sometimes the ‘regular’ stuff gets worse than the abuse stuff. I’m not good at stepping back and letting others (external) do the work for a while, but that’s exactly what happened this past week. Everything except my job got shoved aside, and my dear best friend let me know he had my back all the way through it.
Progress is slow. I still can’t seem to make it through a day without taking some time off, so to speak. I feel so empty inside that it’s like I don’t even exist. My therapist keeps telling me that, even though I feel as though I’m not, I truly *am* living life. She doesn’t understand this sort of half existence. To people who haven’t dealt with trauma or extensive loss, one either lives or dies. So many of us know that isn’t true, though.
Life gets difficult sometimes. I’m not the least bit suicidal. Just a bit overwhelmed. With my best friend at my side, though, I’m digging through. He is such an amazing person that I won’t waste space in trying to find the words to describe him. Things are so dark right now, and I’m caught up in the darkest of times. My best friend just takes me by the hand and tells me we’ll get through it. That doesn’t seem possible sometimes, but knowing that he believes it to be makes it easier to fathom.
Thanks, best friend. Words are inadequate.