I rang in the new year with an ‘interesting’ flashback. It’s unusual for me to talk about the abuse my sister and I faced from our mother. She was abusive in a more conventional sense, for lack of better terms. Something sparked a memory, though, and I started talking to my best friend about being beaten by my mother. I *hate* talking about that. The non-SRA stuff is different. I’ll have to say, given a choice between SRA and the conventional, I’d take the conventional. It’s a different sort. For some reason, though, it’s harder for me to talk about.
Anyway, the conversation led to a very detailed, vivid flashback. I remember the flashback starting, but from there things went away. My best friend said it sounded like someone was explaining how to prepare for being beaten. After pressing the issue a bit further (no idea why I did that), I got a clear picture of the alter who held the flashback. It literally made me jump in fear. He or she does not look human. It appeared to be missing the top layer of skin and had absolutely no hair except for a small bit right on the top of its head. Its fingers were arched, and its back was crouched. Two very large light blue eyes peered at me, and it spoke in a very raspy, fearful voice. Then, I *saw* what it had been seeing.
I’m typically good at shaking off flashbacks and going on with my day. This flashback, however, really lodged in my mind. Maybe the alter gave it entirely to me. Maybe it gave up its existence when it gave up the memory. Nothing new was given to me– I did know, afterall, that my mother was abusive. It was just one particular day and one particular experience. Like the alter, though, it’s haunting. I never know quite how to deal with alters who don’t appear to be human.