Overwhelm

That seems to be the theme of things these days.  I have a bit too much going on at the moment.  It’s final exams week at school, and I’m stopping myself before I start in terms of studying.  It’s been a difficult semester.  Autumn terms are always hardest for me, and this one, due to a bugger of a teacher and a difficult class, has been unpleasant, to say the least.  Now, I’m skirting the edge of actually being able to move forward with this course of study without repeating the class.  And part of me wonders if going back to school (again) was a mistake.  My thoughts turned towards returning to school after a year’s unsuccessful job search.  I wasn’t sure what else to do other than keep working towards a certification that almost certainly will land me a job.  I really like my current job, which is web-based.  Since we’re all considered independent agents, though, we have absolutely no benefits.  That makes it seem a bit less like a career-type job, and I’m ready for Real Life Work.  I feel like I’m playing adult again.  To quote a dear friend of mine, it sucks out loud.

Then there’s the baby thing.  I want to make sure things are as stable as possible for my daughter, and four months have passed since she first came into existence.  The first step, which I’ve started, is to secure more stable housing.  School becomes an issue there, too.  I don’t want the baby to be brought up by a nanny.  On a grander scale, there’s the family thing.  I have no biological family, and I worry that I won’t be enough for her.  My situation will make her different.  Other kids will talk about siblings, grandparents, cousins, and so on.  My daughter won’t have biological relatives, though.  And we can’t forget the cult stuff, of course.  She *will* be shielded from that.  I speak with the confidence of someone who knows how to inflict as much damage on upper-level cult members as they do on other people.  I’ve never used that against them, but when it comes to my daughter, I will have absolutely no problem with it.

One step at a time is what everyone says.  Those people have apparently never been overwhelmed.

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