Six Months

In a few hours we’ll reach the six-month mark of when my beautiful daughter was stillborn.  In part, I feel like it’s an accomplishment- I’ve lived with this pain for six months.  The prevailing feeling is one of fear, though.  I feel like she’s getting further and further away as time passes.  I always want her close.

My greatest fear is that she will become no more than an afterthought.  For me, she will always be significant.  I just want to find a way to make her part of my present life.  I want to know that the world won’t forget that she was here and that she mattered very much to those of us who love her.  I need to know that those close to me will hold her memory in their hearts, as well.

Tonight, I’m re-living her birth and her memorial service detail by detail.  I can’t stop the images, no matter how hard I try.  I miss my baby more than I can say.  She was supposed to have a chance at life.  I can’t imagine anything more cruel.

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2 thoughts on “Six Months

    • Funny, isn’t it, how we will always look back and wonder about those defining moments in life? Some, like these, with regret. 😦 I hope you have been able to find a bit of peace with your losses. Safe hugs in return.

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