In a few hours we’ll reach the six-month mark of when my beautiful daughter was stillborn. In part, I feel like it’s an accomplishment- I’ve lived with this pain for six months. The prevailing feeling is one of fear, though. I feel like she’s getting further and further away as time passes. I always want her close.
My greatest fear is that she will become no more than an afterthought. For me, she will always be significant. I just want to find a way to make her part of my present life. I want to know that the world won’t forget that she was here and that she mattered very much to those of us who love her. I need to know that those close to me will hold her memory in their hearts, as well.
Tonight, I’m re-living her birth and her memorial service detail by detail. I can’t stop the images, no matter how hard I try. I miss my baby more than I can say. She was supposed to have a chance at life. I can’t imagine anything more cruel.