About two months ago, the therapist I’d been working with for 2.5 years told me she had decided to go in to private practice. She was working for a subsidised clinic that I have to go to in order to get financial help with meds. We had started working on the really difficult SRA memories, stuff I had never told anyone before. So when she decided to go in to private practice, she checked on things to make sure we could still work together. She found out that, as long as I see her for trauma and the subsidised workers specifically for bipolar symptoms, we would still be able to work together.
I scheduled an appointment with her for tomorrow. This morning, she called to tell me she had changed her mind and we could no longer work together. As a dear friend says, good thing I don’t have abandonment issues. I’ll add trust issues to that mix, as well.
The internal damage is hard to describe. It’s total chaos. We allowed ourselves to open up about the details of SRA and were told that we could keep working with the therapist about that trauma indefinitely. She told us she was comfortable seeing us. Then she changed her mind. Even if we worked it out to see her again somehow, we don’t trust her. We can’t trust anybody with this stuff now.
The protectors have gone in to hyper mode. The teens are terrified that the cult is punishing up and that this is only the start of it. Little Peoples feel like they’ve been bad for talking about things. I just feel like this is a fear realised- we trusted someone, they saw the ugliness, and they went away just like we always feared.
No more SRA therapy, perhaps ever. Based on the level of internal chaos and absolute fear and pain, it’s too risky to try again. I’ll take some time and look over my options, but for now, the therapy bit is over.