Silence

I’ve heard no voices in my head today.  I only heard a few yesterday.  It’s quite odd, this silence.  I haven’t decided yet whether it is good silence or bad.  It’s just different.

Friday, Little Peoples popped up to tell me they no longer existed.  By virtue of the fact that they could tell me that, though, they certainly do exist.  I just don’t argue with Little People logic.  The consensus seems to be that people do not want to be noticed.  It’s not a coincidence that this falls along the line of my last two posts.  Hyper-protection, maybe.  Just like with names- if you don’t know who the ‘person’ is, they can’t get blamed.  I suppose the same is true for activities; if you don’t know how an alter is reacting, you can’t judge that reaction.  Who knows.  It’s quiet confusion right now.

So what have I been doing with all of this silence?  I’ve been chatting alot with outside people, mostly online.  I’ve also been hearing one thought at a time, which is a first in quite a few years.  I know for certain that the others aren’t gone, of course.  Spontaneous integration of everyone is rather impossible, I’m guessing.  Maybe they are just giving me a break from all of the noise.

It’s not some bizarre and backwards breakdown, as I don’t feel a sense of fear or anger.  I’m no happier or sadder than usual, either.  I’m fully functional, no greater sense of agita or anything, really.  Just silence for the first time in years.  I think it’s a combination of my frustration with presenting symptoms of DID and the alters’ feeling of fear in being revealed that has led to this sort of backing off.  It will be interesting to see how this sorts out.  For now, I’m just going to make the best of having my mind to myself for a bit.

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2 thoughts on “Silence

  1. If you still have the silence – just rest in it. I hope that is what I would do. I long for silence. Be treated to a quiet mind.

  2. I don’t know what I would do if everyone inside went silent. We have come to like the noise and are nervous about facing silence. That’s one of the main reasons we will never integrate but our goal is to fully cooperate instead

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