Still having frequent flashbacks. I think, in part, that this is because I’m feeling like there’s no one to talk with regarding the trauma. By that, I mean there’s no one who I feel can listen to the details. My former therapist had heard a great deal of the ‘regular’ abuse stuff, and quite a bit of the SRA stuff, as well. Now I’m feeling kind of left alone with the details. That’s not at all to say that I feel lonely or like no one cares; my FOC will be right there for me any time. I’m just thinking about discussions with therapists. I love my FOC too much to talk about the details of my past. In terms of therapy, though, talking about details seems essential.
It’s probably macabre, morbid, or any other word like that, but I truly do feel a *need* to tell someone the whole bit. SRA memories, regular childhood trauma memories, all of it. I’ve thought about writing it out a time or two and even started that once. Writing is more like talking to myself, though, and I know the details. I need one other person to know so that I don’t feel like the weight of it all rests completely with me. The whole world seems a bit mad at the moment. I’m really hoping the past and present stop colliding soon.