I am *angry.* Not the positive, motivating anger. The boiling over, feel like screaming anger. And I don’t particularly know why. It’s not an emotion I’m accustomed to.
The obvious guess, of course, is that grief is making me angry. Time of year, as far as SRA goes, also stirs up some powerful Stuff. I realise those two issues are likely the cause of my anger, but I can’t quite pinpoint the specifics. I just know I’m angry and, when I’m not angry, I’m incredibly sad. Neither of those are particularly pleasant emotions.
The funny and somewhat frightening thing is, I’m not sure I *want* to feel better at the moment. To some extent, I want to let myself feel miserable until I no longer feel that way. Another part of me (in a non-DID sense) wants to fight tooth and nail to crawl out of this pit. I feel too tired to work at not feeling miserable. And I’m wondering if allowing myself to feel miserable for a bit (but not too long) is actually healthy.
I feel very vulnerable and open right now. Quite possibly, the anger is protective in that nature.
There’s no real point to this rambling post. I’m just trying to step out of my mind for a bit by putting my mind on screen, for lack of better terms.