Gentle Voices

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes.  I wasn’t actually crying.  The tears were just shining there in my eyes, and I felt a sort of heaviness in my chest.  I had been thinking about my sister.  I think of her often, of course, but this morning I missed her so much that it overwhelmed me.  I could see, feel and hear her as if she was right by my side.

Then, something occurred to me.  She *was* by my side.  I could see her as a shadowy figure right there sitting beside me on the bed, just as she did so many early mornings whilst she was alive.  I couldn’t touch her, as she did appear to be a body of energy, rather than a physical body.  I could hear her so very clearly, though.  She had no great revelations.  She just told me hello and gave me that smile I’ve missed so much.

My sister was like a daughter to me.  I raised her from an infant, and I filled the role of parent far before people thought I should be able to do.  When she died, I felt a part of myself ripped away.  Interacting with her this morning helped me feel that part of myself that died along with her.  For a brief minute, I felt more whole than I have since her death 11 years ago.

She was gone as quickly as she came.  Only a brief minute or two.  Still, I got to see that wonderful smile, and whilst her having to leave again is painful, having seen her at all is a better gift than I’d ever have hoped of.  I loved my sister with all of my heart and tried to be the best parental role model I could be to her.  She had a difficult go of it for that very reason.  She was a child being raised by a child.  However, she was such a kind child, and her willingness to find her way back to me is typical of her sweet soul and gentle spirit.

That beautiful little smile will stay with me for quite some time.  There is no better gift than having been able to see it once again.


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