Disclosure

Today was my second SRA therapy session.  The therapist and I set some paremetres, both for my safety and for hers.  First, the name of the group will never be written down on any records.  That was a huge issue.  Also, she will not ask for nor will I give specific names or locations.  She’ll write down *types* of abuse, but she won’t keep record of techniques.  Basically, we’ll be talking about very dark Stuff completely outside of a cult context.  As she said, we both know it is part of a cult, and we both know the specific cult.  What matters, though, is the experience and how I conceptualised things then and now.

We talked today about isolation and surviving long periods of sensory deprivation.  We haven’t talked in terms of DID, but I told her about creating a vast internal world full of people and shops and just general life things.  I was telling her about how comforting I find the Beatles song ‘Across the Universe,’ as that is the first song I remember singing to myself whilst in isolation.  ‘Nothing’s gonna change my world…’  When I found those words so comforting, I was thinking of my internal world.  No matter what the cult people did to me on the outside or what I saw or was forced to do, they did not control my internal world.  As a small child in a very large, scary environment, I let that knowledge protect me, and, somehow, it worked.

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