Today was my second SRA therapy session. The therapist and I set some paremetres, both for my safety and for hers. First, the name of the group will never be written down on any records. That was a huge issue. Also, she will not ask for nor will I give specific names or locations. She’ll write down *types* of abuse, but she won’t keep record of techniques. Basically, we’ll be talking about very dark Stuff completely outside of a cult context. As she said, we both know it is part of a cult, and we both know the specific cult. What matters, though, is the experience and how I conceptualised things then and now.
We talked today about isolation and surviving long periods of sensory deprivation. We haven’t talked in terms of DID, but I told her about creating a vast internal world full of people and shops and just general life things. I was telling her about how comforting I find the Beatles song ‘Across the Universe,’ as that is the first song I remember singing to myself whilst in isolation. ‘Nothing’s gonna change my world…’ When I found those words so comforting, I was thinking of my internal world. No matter what the cult people did to me on the outside or what I saw or was forced to do, they did not control my internal world. As a small child in a very large, scary environment, I let that knowledge protect me, and, somehow, it worked.