Lately, I’ve been looking back alot. This is problematic, in that even looking at the good times brings my mind to the bad times. Now, I’m just trying to refocus in the present. It’s easier said that done. I tread through fire finding and charging an old mobile phone that was mine in graduate school. I remember the exact ring tone I had and the exact text tone I had during one of the most challenging experiences of my life. For some reason, I just needed to hear them again.
Maybe it’s an identity thing. Nine years ago, my life was good. I had a flat, a job, school, friends, and promise for the future. Now, I feel hopeless. The friends I had are gone, school has ended, my job is nothing like it was before, I’m not currently capable of living alone, and I’m maudlin. I need to realise the good things and wonderful people in my current life. I need to pull myself out of this rut of self-pity and be grateful for everything.
But instead, I’m staring at a mobile hoping a certain ring of the phone will transport me back to a time when none of it had happened.