That’s the best way I can describe myself right now. I have choices before me, and none of them sound like the right answer. I’ve been working from home for many years now, and, whilst it’s done wonders for trying to work and manage bipolar disorder, it has greatly weakened my ability to function in public. I get too nervous, too worried about being hurt. I don’t let anyone in, simply because the last time that happened in a workplace, I did get hurt. Badly.
Now there’s a possibility of working outside the house, and I am terrified. I haven’t been offered the job yet; I merely applied for it after realising I wouldn’t be able to take over my friend’s house in the event of her death. She is elderly, is leaving me her house, and has two cats alongside my three. As well, she feeds half the strays in the area. That’s a great deal of financial responsibility, on top of her bills and mine. So if I am offered this job, I’d be mad not to take it. Right?
The problem is, I feel like I would become a working mum. I have lost every person I considered a child, including actual children, and these cats are like my children now. Only another dedicated pet parent would understand that. So I worry about leaving them to go to work each day. I worry about their safety in terms of anything out of sorts happening. I worry they will feel unloved or will grow away from me. If not for them, I would take the job with no questions. Because of them, I question everything.
So the choices here are to keep working my current job and hope I could find something in the case of my friend’s demise or to take a second part-time job and risk detriment to my cats. From where I’m sitting, neither option seems good.