I’m going to try, at least for now, to update this blog more frequently. This is part of a grand effort to reconnect with myself. Yesterday, I felt like nothing. Not in the degraded sense. Just in the emotionless-floating-in-nowhere sense. I read some quite old posts from this blog and realised that I feel almost no connection to who I am now. This might be due, in part, to the integration, but it’s also due to my secluding myself.
Years ago, I had school and work outside of the home. Now, I have an in-home job and almost no social circle. I do not attend social functions, and even a trip to the shops can be overwhelming. My social anxiety feeds on the lack of need to leave my house, and it’s time to reconnect with the world, as well. It’s time to force myself out, kicking and screaming all the way.
So what are my grand plans? I have been looking for a job outside my house, but that will be debated with my therapist soon. In terms of socialisation, I’m thinking of attending a local support group for people with mental illnesses. What better place to start than somewhere where others are struggling, too? It isn’t much, but it’s a start.
In terms of the deeply personal, I do plan to start blogging again. I also plan to start journalling again, or at least writing fiction. Something to draw me out of my head. When I had alters, it was easier to escape my thoughts; I’d just let someone else get lost in theirs for a while. Now, it’s up to me to plan my own escape from my mind and in to the real world. Again, kicking and screaming all the way.