Picking up, obviously, from Part One. Now it’s time to meet the teens and kids.
Mairead is one of the alters Paula recently picked out of hiding. She’s an 18 year old, foul-mouthed Scot who loves anything fun. She shares my admiration of Justin Currie and really enjoyed the concert we recently attended. My best friend had not met Mairead at that point, but now he knows why the concert was so very important to us. He met her first through email, and in a really hilarious moment, ‘I’ referred to the song ‘Driving with the Brakes On’ with a rather thick Scottish accent. People slip up sometimes. 🙂
Being one of the more developed alters, Mairead has her own last name and her own history. She refers to Kathy and me as The Mothers and complains in her whining teenage way that we never let her express herself. L calls it Mairead’s extended whine. Really, though, Mairead is friendly and outgoing. She’s a true teenager, which might actually be her job– she might be the teenager I couldn’t quite be. I was a bit busy at that time in my life.
Lily and Timmy were the first two littles I met. Lily is four and Timmy is eight. We call them USF! standing for Ugh! Squad Forever, as they’re the founding members of the club we formed with my best friend’s pretend alter Ugh! the caveman. I don’t even remember how that got started, but we’ve formed an entire inner landscape for my best friend, and the kids join it with theirs all the time. They truly believe he has his own system of alters, and they even invite some of his over to their space to play. Great, now I have alters from someone else’s system in mine? 🙂
Lily’s original name was Good Girl, because that’s what I was always told after doing sexual favours for my father and some of his lovely friends. It sickens me to even write that. When all of those memories broke I had a really hard time even communicating with Lily since her name reminded me of the Bad Stuff. My best friend thought of the name ‘Lily’ and suggested it to me. Lily loved it, and it’s been her name since.
While I have a very difficult time expressing emotions, Lily is very open. Most of the time she’s your average happy four-year-old, but she also has extremely disturbing flashbacks. Kathy and I have to be very careful that she doesn’t go into details with my best friend, as she trusts him completely and almost always turns to him when bad things happen. I feel very sorry for her because she has trouble accepting that it’s ok for her to like things other kids like, and I’m no help at all in that aspect. See this post for more on that topic. Lily’s moods change quickly, and on occasion I have to pull her out of a particularly bad flashback and send her to the internal safe place for the kids. She’s fragile, and her memories almost always flash through my mind as well.
Timmy is closely related to Lily. He’s very shy and rarely makes an appearance. Once he waved to my best friend, but he has never spoken externally. He’s getting a bit more vocal internally, which is nice. I’d like to get to know him better, as he seems like a really sweet kid. He goes to school and reads books, as Lily reports, but I don’t know any details about that. Kathy assures me that he’s learning what he needs to learn, and I trust her enough to accept that.
Now for some of the slightly darker alters–
The Twins, sometimes referred to as the Shadow Twins, were formed during probably the most violent time of my life, and they definitely show the scars of that. They aren’t physically joined, but they can’t be separated. One can’t survive without the other. They were formed when Rainn, an alter who recently integrated, saw that we might not physically survive what was going on. There’s loads more to tell on that subject, but I really don’t want to get into metaphysics at the moment.
The Twins are called Awen and Patrick. They are completely black and white, and their bodies are almost translucent. Awen speaks only Irish, and Patrick translates. I can speak a decent amount of Irish, but the Twins are so in tune with each other that he can translate better than a native speaker could– her thoughts and his are virtually inseparable. They’re currently in a struggle regarding which side of things they want to fall on. Paula, Kathy, and I are all working very hard on this, but for now, the Twins are brought back into some sort of darkness by a cult-loyal alter every night. Paula in particular is working to introduce them to whatever amount of light they can stand and to help them learn that there is a better world for them. They deserve better than they have right now, and we’re really trying to convince them of that.
Little Elizabeth is a child alter who split from the most powerful remaining cult-loyal alter. It was, oddly, her voice that I heard first. She was furious with me for allowing her to be hurt and continuing to deny her pain. I had no idea what to do with this, and at the suggestion of my brother of choice, we offered her a teddy bear internally. She *very* tentatively took it. Eventually, we used the song A Message by Coldplay to show her how we all feel about her and lead her to our side. She is still very un-trusting and very, very rarely participates in anything. She watches the other kids and still hangs on to her anger, but at least she’s safe. We’re hoping that she will eventually feel more comfortable. Everyone is very welcoming to her, and as several of my friends can attest, most internal folk will come to the table if ice cream is on the menu. 🙂
Those are the main child/teen alters. There are a few more alters who don’t really fit any category quite yet, and when I learn more about them, with their permission, I’ll post an introduction to them as well.
I just want to thank the blogging world for giving me a chance to write about my internal people. I want to thank my internal people, too, for being brave enough to allow me to describe them to this world of strangers.