Since I’ve been able to start learning from the Wiccan Way again, life has become a bit easier, if only because I have another coping mechanism in place. Samhain (Halloween) is completely perverted by satanists and has always been a terrible day for me and mine. Last year was much better, and this year I was able to appreciate it for what it really is– the day the veil between this world and the Otherworld is thinnest. It’s a great time for divination, and the best time of the year for communicating with the dead.
And communicate with the dead I did. Or rather, he communicated with me. I’d had this odd feeling all day, like my movements were being observed. It wasn’t a bad feeling, really. Just an odd feeling. Driving along a busy road with my best friend last night, I heard a comforting voice and felt the warmest touch on my shoulder. Looking in the rearview mirror, I saw Alan leaning towards me from the back seat. Alan was and will always be the love of my life. He was my one true love, and even though he married after I left England, there was always something special between us. He was the father of my child and the only man who ever comforted me completely. Given my background, that wasn’t an easy task. He manged to do it, though.
He also managed to find his way back to me last night, and I’m thankful for every minute. I didn’t say anything to my best friend about it– it just seemed like a very private experience, and telling someone you’re spending time with your dead love is a bit odd anyway. I say that because my best friend reads this blog and will probably get a bit of a laugh out of our unseen guest. 🙂
We sat beside a river, my best friend and I, and Alan stayed with me through the rest of the night. I could hear him and feel his touch. I could see him there, and even though he had a bit of a fuzzy glare surrounding him, he looked the same in every other way. As it neared midnight, he faded away. I’ve felt him many, many times before, but last night I got the chance to communicate with him directly. I am so very fortunate.
This morning, I phoned the lady who became his wife, and she was glad to hear of the experience, even though it didn’t happen to her. We have an odd sort of agreement between the two of us. I’ve talked to one other person who understands the odd relationship we have with the loves we lose, and she had similar feelings. Alan’s former wife (I’ll not give her name, since she is living) knew he and I shared a bond and always would. Andy was proof of that. Alan did love her, of course, and they had a lovely marriage. Unfortunately for her, though, she didn’t have all of him. She told me he had been honest and straightforward about that all along. I won’t debate the right or wrong of that. It simply was as is it was.
Last night, then, I spent time with my love and cherished every minute of it. He wanted to let me know he was settled and that he watched me. He and our son look over my life. Spirits are recycled, but part of their essence remains. A spirit is changed with every living thing it inhabits. I’m comforted to know that the spirits of Alan and our son are travelling near each other, and that they are able to communicate with each other still. And I’m comforted beyond words by having spent even a few brief hours with the person who will always have my heart and soul completely. Death really can’t break love, and as a friend always tells me, we never truly lose those we love. They just move on before us.